PREVIOUS NEWS • NEXT NEWS

December 23, 2002 · 11:30 AM PST · link

CLICK HERE TO SUPER-SIZE

AND HERE WE HAVE another one of those photos of two great comedians posing together.  I told all my stories about Red Skelton in this article, and I never met Terry-Thomas...so I don't have a lot to add, other than to suggest a couple of thought balloons.  Skelton's thinking, "You'd better not upstage me, Gaptooth, or I'll have you deported so fast, it'll singe your mustache."  And Terry-Thomas is thinking, "The things you have to do to get on American television — consorting with tramps..."

SEVERAL FOLKS inform me that Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol is airing tonight at 7PM on the Canadian Broadcasting Company.  Well, maybe next year in the U.S.  In the meantime, we all have our DVDs and VHS tapes, and I think I also have it on Beta and Laserdisc.  I think I've spent more on home video copies of it than it cost to make in the first place.  Who's the nearsighted guy in this equation?

REMEMBER: Only four more shopping days 'til Stan Lee's Birthday!  Stores open late.

December 23, 2002 · 1:30 AM PST · link

I DON'T LIKE playing slot machines in Vegas but I love looking at them, and I'm more interested than I probably should be in the new generation of slots themed around cartoons, comic strips, celebrities, game shows and old sitcoms.  Two companies are leading the way in this field — Bally's and I.G.T., which stands for International Game Technology.  Both of them, you might like to know, are releasing their software so you can play their slots on your home computer.  Over at Masque Software, you can purchase the Bally's pack (which includes Popeye and Blondie) and Slots II (which is a batch of I.G.T. games, including most of the slots featuring Betty Boop)  And there are others there which are a lot cheaper to play on your own PC or Mac than they are in Nevada.

Cheaper than either, if you just want to see what these things do, is to watch on-line sales videos that tout the features of these machines.  Over at this page, assuming you have RealPlayer installed, you can view sales presentations for a number of I.G.T. slots.  Paul Dini, if you're reading this, don't miss the Sinatra Slots! demo, which features five different slot machines with Frank's face and music.  All of you, check out that one, the Austin Powers machines, the Munsters demo, the Addams Family, etc.  You can also find demos for Popeye, Blondie, the amazing Ray Charles slot machine, a Frankie and Annette Beach Party slot and others if you prowl around the site for Bally Gaming.  (One of the great things about those demos is that in them, the slots somehow pay off every time...)

I WAS REMISS in not wishing my longtime ('67) pal Tony Isabella a Happy Tony Isabella's Birthday yesterday.  So Happy Day After Tony Isabella's Birthday today.  Mr. Isabella is a fine friend and a fine writer — the creator of the DC Comics character Black Lightning, among many other achievements — and I urge everyone to go read one of his fine columns at this site and/or post a message on Tony's Message Board.  Next year, he will be visiting a long list of comic book conventions on what he is calling the Tony Isabella Farewell Tour.  At the last stop, he will probably break into song and favor us with a few choruses of "And I Am Telling You, I'm Not Going" but in the meantime, let's all turn out for the Big Event of '03.

December 22, 2002 · 2:30 PM PST · link

CLICK HERE TO MAKE BIGGER

FOR SOME REASON, my files contain a lot of photos of great comedians posing together.  Here's a shot of Mr. Benny and Mr. Hope, taken to promote an evening where they had "back-to-back" specials on NBC.  Somewhere on a long list of regrets I have is that I never took more advantage of an "in" I had to hang around the NBC studios in Burbank when these gents (and Johnny and Dino and a few others) were doing their shows.  I always found it fascinating and educational when I did it, but I didn't do it that often — or, at least, as often as I should have.

Hope always seemed to be taping a special when I was over there, and he had it down to such an exact science — get in, read the cue cards, get out — that it was almost disappointing to watch.  You also didn't get to see him do what he did best, which was the opening monologue.

He'd tape the entire special except for the monologue and then, a day or two before its air date, he'd go on with Johnny Carson to plug it.  After The Tonight Show finished that evening, they'd fly in a special curtain and Hope would tape his monologue in front of Johnny's audience.  (I saw this once.  Johnny stood off to one side, yelling how he had worked his way up in show business to being Bob Hope's warm-up guy.)  This procedure enabled Hope to do his opening remarks at the last minute, thereby making them more topical.

I never got to see Jack Benny taping but I met him once, when I was about 11.  It was at the corner of Wilshire and Santa Monica Blvd., on the corner where the Creative Artists Agency building has since been erected.  Mr. Benny was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, shorts, knee socks and what struck me as inappropriately expensive shoes, given the rest of his outfit.  We were both waiting for a very long light to change and he turned to me and said, "I don't know why these things take so long to change."  I had no idea of what to say in reply and he apparently took that as a sign that I didn't know who he was and said, "You don't recognize me, do you?"  (That sounds snotty, I guess, but he said it in a very nice way.)

I finally found my voice and stammered out something like, "You wouldn't have to wait for these lights if you let Rochester pick you up in the Maxwell," and he laughed and apologized.  He was very pleased that I knew who he was and that I even knew about the Maxwell, which was a running gag he said he hadn't used in years.  We chatted for a few minutes, missing at least one "walk" signal, about nothing in particular.  He asked me my name and where I went to school and how old I was and what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I'm afraid my young mind went back to utterly blank.  I could barely answer his questions, let alone think of anything to ask him.  Of course, two minutes after we went our separate ways, I thought of a dozen things I could have asked, including how Mel Blanc was doing since his near-fatal car crash.

What struck me most about him was how gentle and unassuming he was.  Later, when I met Bob Hope, he was always on, always playing the star.  You would never have met him walking all alone through Beverly Hills and, if you did, he wouldn't stop and ask you where you went to school.  He spoke only of what he was doing and what he had to do next.  That's not a criticism; just an observation.  And when I look at the above photo, I think you can almost perceive that difference between the two men.  You can also sense — and I think this is genuine — that they really, really liked each other.

December 22, 2002 · 1:00 AM PST · link

CLICK HERE TO SEE MORE OF IT

CONTINUING WITH OUR Christmas week sharing of great photographs:  I have a column on this site about going to see The Dick Van Dyke Show filmed when I was a wee lad.  As it happens, that particular week's show was one which Roddy McDowall selected to photograph.  Mr. McDowall was, of course, a fine actor but he was also pretty facile with a camera, and he liked to go to sets and snap off a few.  The photo at left is one that he took during a rehearsal, probably a few hours before filming the episode, "Your Home Sweet Home is My Home," which was shot on February 2, 1965.  It's the one where Rob and Laura bought their house with the big rock in the basement and got into a fight with Millie and Jerry about it.

The actor at right, playing Rob Petrie's accountant, is Eddie Ryder.  Mr. Ryder was one of those ubiquitous TV actors in the sixties, doing bit parts on just about every show, usually as some sort of clerk or government official, and he also got into a number of movies.  (He's the third guy in the air traffic control tower, along with Carl Reiner and Jesse White, in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.)  When filming began on this Dick Van Dyke Show episode, Mr. Van Dyke blew the first take by addressing him as "Eddie" instead of his character name, "Bert."

I'm not sure who the man at left is — perhaps the director of that episode, Lee Phillips; perhaps, a camera coordinator or lighting guy.  I remember being impressed with the precision involved in the process.  Technical advances later made it a bit easier to film a show with three cameras (and tape made things even simpler) but back then, it required the actors to hit specific marks in order to be properly lit and framed.  It looked like a lot of work.

I noticed this kind of thing during the scenes that did not involve Mary Tyler Moore.  During the scenes that did involve Mary Tyler Moore, I noticed Mary Tyler Moore.  And almost nothing else.

December 21, 2002 · 6:30 PM PST · link

CLICK HERE TO SEE MORE

HERE'S A PHOTO that I wanted to share with you all.  There are a lot of autographed pics around of Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy, some of which they actually signed.  The signatures on this one look genuine, and it's one of the sharpest prints I've seen of what may be the best photograph ever taken of the gents who may be the best comedians to ever grace the Silver Screen.  In a month or three, I'll be adding a Laurel and Hardy filmography to this site — a listing of all their films and what I think of each of them.

THE LONGEST-RUNNING SHOW in the history of Broadway is still Cats and, since Les Miserables is closing in March, that record will not soon be broken.  The only contender is Phantom of the Opera, which would have to run three more years to snag the title.  That's unlikely.  So is the notion that either Beauty and the Beast or Rent will stick around long enough to log more performances than Cats.  So it'll be a long time before a show that anyone liked takes the top spot.  Here's the full list of long runs on Broadway.

December 21, 2002 · 12:15 AM PST · link

I AM A HUGE FAN of Penn and Teller, and have been since I first saw them playing a crummy little joint in Westwood, long before they made it onto TV.  They're obviously smart, opinionated guys who say things others might be afraid to say, and say them in a way no one has ever said them before.  That they're also entertaining on top of that is a bonus.  Anyway, I am eagerly looking forward to their forthcoming Showtime series, which has the easy-to-remember title, Penn and Teller: Bullshit!  It debuts January 24 and on it, they'll be exposing hokey mediums, scams, rip-offs, guys who claim to be able to bend spoons with their minds...stuff like that.  Here's a link to more info on it, complete with a promo you can watch right this second on your adorable computer.

SINCE I'M RECOMMENDING Shockwave cartoons for you to watch, here's a link to an online political cartoon — it's about Trent Lott — by Mark Fiore.  (My thanks to devout POVonline reader Rephah Berg, not only for recommending this but for the continued and much-appreciated catching of typos on this site.)

ONE DISADVANTAGE of having a website like this is that it increases the amount of spam you receive.  Companies that harvest e-mail addresses and compile lists for sale find your domain.  Suddenly, you're receiving hundreds of messages about enlarging your genitalia, borrowing money, browsing porn, or letting Nigerians use your bank account.  You also get a mess of virus-infected messages that you might prefer not to receive.

There's no foolproof way to eliminate it all but I've been able to cut waaaay down using a nice little piece of software called Mailwasher.  It acts like an e-mail program except that it goes to the server from whence you pick up your e-mail and captures all your waiting messages in text only — no attachments, no graphics, etc.  The messages are copied, not downloaded.  The full versions remain on the server, just as if you hadn't yet fetched them.

You can then look over the list of captured messages and mark for deletion all the ones with gibberish in the subject line or the word "penis" or whatever.  A filter can be set up to do this automatically, based on whatever key words you denote.  You can also create what they call a "blacklist," which is a database of automatic deletions of all messages from a certain address, and a "friends" list, which will automatically mark certain folks' messages as desired.  If you're on a mailing list for Cheese Eaters, and all the messages come with "[CHEESE EATERS]" in the subject line, you can put that in the filter and those will automatically be marked for your "friends" list.

Once you mark all your currently-waiting messages (or let the filters do it), you hit a button that says "Process mail" and Mailwasher goes back to your server and deletes all the ones marked for deletion.  You then immediately launch your regular e-mail program and it downloads all the messages you wanted, and you proceed the way you always do.  What's different is that all those virus-laden messages and ads are deleted while they're still on the server.  (This is not a substitute for a virus checker like Norton or McAfee.  You need one of them functioning, as well.  But it's obviously better not to download those messages in the first place.)

You can also set Mailwasher to "bounce" the messages you're deleting, which means they're returned to the sender as if your e-mail address is invalid.  The premise here is that it will cause some of them to take you off their lists...but experts suggest it accomplishes the opposite.  And if, as occasionally happens, the spammer has sent the mail with the forged address of an innocent bystander, then you'll be spamming that bystander.

In any case, even with the "bounce" feature turned off, Mailwasher is a very handy thing.  The first few times you use it, it takes no more time than it would take to download all your mail and manually delete every piece of spam.  As you use it, it goes faster and faster...and it also gives you the chance to peek inside a questionable e-mail without opening it.

So how much is this wonderful piece of software?  Amazingly, you can download it for free at www.mailwasher.net, and it will run fine, except that a little banner will ask you to register and donate.  If you like the program but don't like that banner nagging you, you can get rid of it by sending the Mailwasher people anything more than three bucks.  (The suggested donation is $20.  I experimented with the program for all of five minutes before sending in my twenty.)

There are, of course, many other ways of dealing with unwanted e-mail, but this one is working well for me.  It might work for you.

December 20, 2002 · 3:00 PM PST · link

THERE ARE several ways to get weather forecasts on the Internet.  Some are those of the National Weather Service, though the best place I've found to access these is at www.wunderground.com. You'll notice little links to their local forecasts at the bottoms of our Hollywood, Broadway and Las Vegas pages.  That site makes no bones about what they're issuing, whereas some sites dress up the NWS proclamations to look like their own, proprietary forecasts.

Other predictions come from private firms, like AccuWeather and Intellicast that supply info to TV and radio news broadcasts, newspaper and various industries that need more specific weather data than NWS provides.  The private firms are probably more useful to their clients but, on the 'net, the NWS has a big edge.  They update info more often and what you get from them is actually written by a human being, as opposed to being output from a computer reading.

Case in point: Right now, it's mostly clear in Los Angeles.  The rain stopped around 4:00 in the morning and the satellite pix have shown almost no moisture since then.  The National Weather Service forecast has been saying, since they updated it this morning at 10:55 AM...

Partly cloudy. A slight chance of showers through early afternoon. Highs in the mid 50s to lower 60s. Chance of rain 20 percent.

That's probably about as accurate as you could be.  The Intellicast forecast was last updated at 1:00 PM and as I write this, it still says...

A steady rain this morning. Showers continuing this afternoon. High 58F. Winds W at 10 to 15 mph. Chance of rain 70%. Rainfall near a half an inch.

I don't know when they first posted that but it's been up (and been unchanged through updates) for 11 hours since the last raindrop fell.  It's really a lovely afternoon out.  Meanwhile, over at AccuWeather, they say, "Clouds and sun; a few showers," while www.weather.com (which is The Weather Channel) says rain for today, mostly cloudy tonight.

This is pretty much the way it always is.  The National Weather Service is sometimes wrong because, well, weather forecasters are sometimes wrong.  But the other online sources are either wrong (because no one's paying much attention to them) or they give such ambiguous prognostications that they're not wrong...they just aren't very useful.  It amazes me the number of times it'll be pouring outside my window but one of these sites is still forecasting night and morning low clouds.

I think I once said here that if you want the best-possible weather forecast, you should go to all these sites and kind of mentally "average" what they say — like getting a second or third opinion from doctors.  Lately though, I'm inclined to just head over to www.underground.com for the NWS forecasts.  They're not always correct but at least they try.

WANNA SEE a cute Christmas cartoon?  Here's a link to a pretty clever Shockwave effort.  (Thanks to Alan Light for the referral.)

December 20, 2002 · 10:00 AM PST · link

OKAY, how many of you had Friday Morning in the Trent Lott Pool?  And does anyone think we've heard the end of this?

I VERY MUCH ENJOYED the animated motion picture called The Lion King.  I didn't very much enjoy the live stage production of the same name that I saw on Broadway in 1997.  This, obviously, was not the prevailing opinion.  It was a smash-hit of epic proportions.  So, just to see if I'd like it the second time, and to take someone who very much wanted to see it, I went to see one of the final performances of the L.A. company.  And you can read my opinions of both — however little they may be worth — over in another NOTE from me.

I'M GETTING SPOILED by my TiVo.  Watching TV in the hotel room in Vegas, I heard something, wasn't sure I heard what I heard, and grabbed up the remote to back the show up a few seconds so I could hear it again.  Duh.  You can't do that on a live TV broadcast with no TiVo involved, dum-dum.

THE VERY CLEVER Kevin Cunningham has been amusing the 'net for years with his Political Strikes! photo caption cartoons.  Today is his "inside joke day," and we get a mention.  So here's a reciprocal mention of Kevin and his wicked sense of humor.  Always worth checking out.

December 19, 2002 · 6:00 PM PST · link

RUTH KOBART appeared in the original companies of two of the best (and longest-named) musical comedies that ever appeared on Broadway: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum and How to Succeed In Business Without Really Trying.  She also enjoyed a long career in movies and TV shows, including a regular role on Bob Newhart's sitcom, Bob, which is where I got to meet her.  She was delightful and modest, and obviously very serious about the craft of acting.  When I asked her about those two Broadway hits (and she was in others), all she could talk about was the wonderfully-talented folks with whom she got to work.  A lot of us think Ms. Kobart — who passed away last Saturday at the age of 78 — was in that category, as well.  (Here's a link to a longer obit.)

IF YOU'RE A FAN of Alvin and the Chipmunks and David Seville, you will either love or hate this Flash animation parody of "The Chipmunk Song."  (Thanks to Marc Wielage for the referral.)

THE JANUARY issue of Mad (now on sale) features a section of Christmas carol song parodies by Frank Jacobs.  Everyone knows how good Mort Drucker (who draws a spoof of Analyze That) and Sergio Whatzisname are, but the magazine's poet laureate, Frank, is still working at the top of his game.

December 19, 2002 · 2:30 PM PST · link

How Reaganomics Became Rubinomics by Michael Kinsley, Slate Gored by the Media Bull by Paul Waldman, American Prospect Our Coy Republicans by William Kristol, Washington Post

December 19, 2002 · 12:30 AM PST · link

MORE ON VEGAS: I caught one show, apart from Tony Orlando's. It's called "X" and its a revue filled with gorgeous women, loud rock music, minimal costuming and a pretty good stand-up comic named John Padon.  He has the unenviable task of following some steamy naked ladies, and jerking the crowd's attention towards comedy...but he pulls it off.  When he entered, three frat-type gents seated near me expressed audible ire that the parade of flesh was being pre-empted by a guy in a suit.  By the time Padon was finished, he'd won them over and I heard one ask, "Hey, that dude's coming back, isn't he?"  If you'd seen these fellows, you'd know what an achievement that was.

The show's at the new Aladdin, which may have set some industry record for rapid descent into Chapter 11, soon after opening.  There are probably many reasons but the most obvious to the consumer is how poorly-designed the place is; how impossible it is to navigate.  Hopelessly unable to locate the showroom, even following signs with arrows, I finally stopped a security guard to ask.  "Go that way," he said, pointing me in the exact opposite direction that a large, illuminated placard was indicating.  When I called his attention to the discrepancy, he said, "Oh well, if you're going to follow the signs, you'll never find it."  The showroom for "X" was designed with the same functionality, its seating configured to afford maximum view of the back of the head of the person in front of you, and not much else.  If the lady ahead of me hadn't had pierced ears, I wouldn't have been able to see a thing.  Anyway, it seems to be an entertaining show...what I could see of it.

SO I'M GETTING IN THE CAB for the airport when the driver, handling my suitcase, jokes that I must want to go to one of the legal brothels outside of town.  I tell him no, I want to go to American Airlines, which offers many of the same services.  As he hops behind the wheel, he declares, "Yeah, I don't need those places, either," and he then proceeds to spend the entire ride describing to me the incredible sex life he and his "hot" girl friend enjoy — ten-hour marathons involving every conceivable position and orifice.  He meticulously details several and the more I try to change the subject, the more it refuses to change.  I realize that the brothel line is probably one he must use with every lone male passenger, so he can then segue to the topic he's determined to gab about.

He laments that he doesn't have his usual photos of his "volcanic chick" (that was the term) along to show me, but assures me she is a ringer for Sheena Easton.  "You seen her lately?" he asks.  I tell him no, which is a mistake, for he begins trying to catch up with other cabs that display advertising signs for Sheena Easton's show.  This is so I can see just how hot Sheena — and therefore, his girl friend — are.

At the end of the ride, as I'm paying the fare, he's upset that we never caught a glimpse of Ms. Easton.  "I wanted to show you what my lady looks like," he says.  I assure him that there'll be a Sheena Easton billboard somewhere in the airport and that I'll pause to study it so I can, indirectly, fathom how unbelievably hot the Volcanic Chick is.

Just then, a cab pulls up with a big picture of Sheryl Crow on it and — so help me — the cabbie says, "Well, my girl friend looks a lot like her, too."

SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT: When Paul Harris reported the Conan O'Brien story (mentioned in the previous item), he was on station DC-101 in Washington.

December 18, 2002 · 3:00 PM PST · link

THIS IS actually, no-lie, being written in the Las Vegas Airport as I wait for my flight home.  I just set the laptop up on a little table in the food court, where I have a lovely view of Burger King, Pizza Hut, TCBY Treats, and Cinnabon.  (Do they still say "TCBY" stands for "The Country's Best Yogurt?"  I've always assumed that when the company started out, those initials were short for, "This Can't Be Yogurt!"  If they'd had the other in mind, it would have been TWBY — "The World's Best Yogurt," right?  I'm guessing they switched — maybe for a legal reason, maybe for marketing concerns.  And while we're at it, how long before KFC officially stands for "Kentucky's Fine Chicken" or something of the sort, to completely expunge all reminders that it's fried?)

I think about such things, and it sometimes worries me that I do.

This was my first visit to Vegas for some time.  The biggest change, apart from the opening of The Palms, is that the slot machine areas are turning into Nick-at-Nite.  Every machine now seems to have as its theme an old TV show, a celebrity, or some brand-name.  I watched a lady playing a Beverly Hillbillies slot which, if it hits, pays you enough money to move in next to the Drysdales and build your own cee-ment pond.  Land-a-doggies.

Variation on the above joke: If you get a jackpot on the I Love Lucy slot, you get to be in the show that Ricky's doing at the Copa Club with Cesar Romero.  Babalu!

The Palms is nice, but I found myself wondering why I bothered to trek all the way over there to see another casino full of slot machines, blackjack dealers, roulette wheels, etc.  Nothing you can't see at two dozen other establishments.

I did have a nice time though, hanging out with Paul Harris and guesting on his radio program, which was being ISDNed back to St. Louis.  Paul and I have "known" each other for some fifteen years, having first connected in — I think — the Broadcast Professionals discussion group on CompuServe.  One day in that forum, I posted the up-'til-then-secret info that NBC had finally decided who would replace David Letterman as the host of Late Night — a complete unknown named Conan O'Brien.  Paul, canny broadcaster that he is, spotted a scoop and took to the air with it on the radio show he was then doing — in Boston, I believe.  This info had not appeared anywhere, NBC refused to confirm it, and a local critic denounced Paul for spreading a bogus news item.  But Mr. Harris had the final chuckle, and we became e-mail buddies.  Like some really demented introduction scene on The Bachelor, this was the first time we'd met in person.  I enjoyed talking with him and I enjoyed watching him do his talk show live from a lounge at the Orleans Hotel.  He really knows how to keep the proceedings moving at an entertaining clip.  If you're in St. Louis, catch him live every weekday on KTRS, the Big 550 on your dial.  If you're not in St. Louis, you'll have to be content with bits 'n' pieces over at www.HarrisOnline.com.  As I have to be.

I'll post more Vegas stuff later, including the tale of the cab driver who wouldn't stop talking about his sex life.

Click here to read the previous NEWS FROM ME